where's my blue fairy?

new journal

2005-07-05T04:24:08Z

felt crappy. needed something different, so i made a new journal. anybody who wants to know what it is, check your info pages for your new 'friend of' status. or just comment and ask me.

freeflyght @ 2005-07-04T18:36:00

2005-07-05T01:35:16Z

so. this was recently posted on plainsong_x's journal:

'To Whom It May Concern: I'm sorry to do it so abruptly and without warning, but I'm at a point in my life where it's not healthy for me to be friends with you. I'm not going to ban you from commenting on my LJ or block your email or anything, but any further attempts to contact me will be ignored. Again, I'm sorry, and I wish you the best in life.'

i know it's about me, because i just e-mailed her this afternoon asking why she de-friended me and is now ignoring me. so. WHAT THE FUCK. what did i do? what's wrong with me? why do people leave me, suddenly and without warning, and without even telling me WHY? WHY DO SO ANY PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME? DOES ANYONE HAVE AN ANSWER? 'cause i can't fix it if i don't know what it is.

she was my best friend for years. i thought she understood me. i thought she was a real friend. w. t. f.

freeflyght @ 2005-07-04T10:42:00

2005-07-04T17:44:01Z

we're getting so close!! eight days 'til we leave, everyone, and we're going crazy. still no carrier for nox, looks like we're going to have to take her to illinois in a box with strategically cut window-holes. SIGH. did not want to do it. i don't think she'll mind much... she's so itty, but still. we made some headway in the bedroom yesterday-- GODS am i going to be glad to have closets. this place was a nightmare. no room for anything, everything all over the place. now we're going to have CLOSETS. and FLOORSPACE. this is going to be a real home. -happy-

i would just like to warn those who i will be seeing that i've gained a friggin lot of weight. don't be shocked when you see a walrus. it's just me.

freeflyght @ 2005-07-02T17:01:00

2005-07-02T23:57:01Z

plainsong_x doesn't love me anymore.

freeflyght @ 2005-07-02T12:56:00

2005-07-02T19:52:44Z

set up intergate! you may now e-mail me at sonofbast@intergate.com. i like intergate. is spiffy.

so soon...

2005-07-02T18:06:51Z

we finally found homes for revel and wormtail! (or, should i say, midnight and tabitha, as their new mummies called them.) so it's just our little family around here now. we're finally starting to work our bums off with the packing. we're nearly done with the books, and that's saying something-- most of what we own is books. seriously, like three quarters of what we're bringing home is books.

ten days until we leave!! we set up our electricity, and i'm doing water today. also, we're changing our internet service to intergate. friggin CHEAP, and our six month promo price for earthlink is just about up, so we figured it was time for a switch. we'll be signing up with intergate shortly before we move-- keep checking for a new e-mail address. until then start sending things to ratherdark@yahoo.com again, please. ^^ gotta call sbc too... i hate sbc. -sigh-

also, GIP!

freeflyght @ 2005-06-29T16:22:00

2005-06-29T23:20:51Z

we're going to be staying in a log cabin in the grand tetons. and coming back through yellowstone. WOOHOOOOOOO!

thirteen days 'til we're out of here!

AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!

we're going to have a party sometime in august. anyone who can come is invited!

freeflyght @ 2005-06-29T07:36:00

2005-06-29T14:40:06Z

our kitty/doggy tags came yesterday! we had to go get puppy and minni new collars, 'cause we forgot puppy's was broken, and minni didn't have one, but everybody looks so pretty now.

still in a packing frenzy. thirteen days now... hey oncesmiled and spirit_angel, help me figure out the water and electric companies that i need to call. ask your mother. AHHHHHHHHHHHH moving!

freeflyght @ 2005-06-28T15:04:00

2005-06-28T22:04:20Z

am pimping the new community draco and i created:

fanon_draco! a place to rant about the flatness of jo's version of our dear malfoy child, and defend the rising fanon!draco-- the draco who we all see, despite jo's efforts against three dimensions! quote the books/movies and state how your draco would never do such a thing! share your fic/art having to do with non-canon-ised draco! make me feel special because something i made actually has members!

freeflyght @ 2005-06-26T09:06:00

2005-06-26T16:10:27Z

we've had books strewn across the floor for the past few days, and it's getting really annoying. will pack up the rest of the books today and tomorrow, i think. and we need to get the futon out of here, because it's really just in the way. we took the mattress off of it to put on the bed because we threw out our mattress-- it was really time, too, all peed on and stuff-- so it's all bare. we have some cushions and the bean bag chair on it so that we can sit on it, but it's really uncomfortable, so we need to get rid of it. looking forward to getting all new furniture. not looking forward to spending the next couple weeks sleeping on a box with a futon mattress. ow.

still trying to unload revel and wormtail. they're getting REALLY annoying now. (revel just sat down and curled up on the box next to me as if to say 'nuh UH, i'm cute.')

ALSO. harry is a little shit in his fifth year. you know, i really identify with harry, but he's being really STUPID about the occlumency thing. do you know, snape actually gave him a compliment (for snape, anyway), but harry was too stupid to see it. harry was really a selfish, stupid shit in his fifth year. but i love him anyway. snape's a shit too, but i also love him anyway. <3.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-25T21:34:00

2005-06-26T04:44:50Z

seventeen days and counting... the packing frenzy is eating me! as well as the small cats...

we said goodbye to prongs on thursday. we took the three babies to the thursday night market, and prongsy found a home. i cried. prongs was my favourite of the three we weren't keeping... but we were bonding too much to each other-- it was best she left quickly. unfortunately, that means we're stuck with the two trouble-makers, especially revel, who has been scratching me up like mad lately. the climbing up my body when i have serious lack of clothes? not fun. next thursday we try for re-homing the other two.

am going mad with anxiety-- i want to be hooooome! i can't wait to see my new hometown, meet some new friends, check out my school... and in the midst of it all, read HBP, as we will be arriving on the sixteenth. >.<

SIGH.

now i am exhausted, but i promised i'd play nintendo with draco (whose other name is now pax, not zodi, for those who don't know-- he decided he couldn't handle the only-girly name), so play i shall.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-24T07:41:00

2005-06-24T14:48:51Z

we got the apartment!!! we haven't seen the pictures yet, so hopefully it's not ugly. :P at this point, everything else is too perfect to pass up. close to everything we'd want, no pet deposit, great rent, they're accepting all of our animals (5 ack!), the floorplan is wonderful... it's too good to worry about what it looks like on the outside. as long as there are trees, which michael from roland realty said there were, then we'll be fine. wooohoooooooo! apartment!!

so. we're moving in 18 days. we'll be there on the sixteenth. AHHHHHH PACKING FRENZY!!

freeflyght @ 2005-06-22T18:44:00

2005-06-23T01:44:10Z

i want this apartment. i can't apply for it, though, because the guy told me not to until he sent me the pictures, which he hasn't done yet. but i WAAAAnt it. and they showed it today, so now we have competition!

good news is dave has the time off of work that he needs to have, so we'll be able to get back to illinois before mum goes on her alaska cruise. woohoo! i'm coming back, everybody!! we have twenty days to pack. let's get to it!!

freeflyght @ 2005-06-21T15:25:00

2005-06-21T22:23:11Z

am i doomed to lose friends for stupid things?

plainsong_x and thoughtthestars, thanks for always being my friends, becuase evidently you're the only ones who will ever get me. evidently i'm doomed to have no more friends than the two of you and my sister and my cousins. and mladymaru. anyone offended? anyone i forgot? please let me know because i need to know people give a damn.

those of you who count yourselves my friends, is there something about me that makes people dislike me? something that people want to run away from? first a good friend blows off the last time they'll ever see me, then a good friend turns down my WEDDING to have lunch with her sister (who she lived with) and we never talked again, not for any lack of me trying, now a good friend says 'GOODBYE' to me just because i said i don't like america. WHY AM I SO REPELLANT? i want to know. i want to improve myself so that any friends i may have in the future don't decide they in fact hate me.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-21T09:11:00

2005-06-21T16:16:12Z

i'm feeling very sick. i think it may be that time of the month (another reason why it SUCKS to be trans, ladies and gentlemen and whatever!). not fair. i'm not supposed to have ovaries. some cosmic force forgot which organs i was supposed to get. it's like i was a homework assignment it did at the last minute. d00d, you got a D, okay?

realised this morning another important thing i lost because of carly's bitchiness: our wedding souvenirs. all of them, except for the ring pillow. our engraved goblets, the celtic circlet thing that was on top of the cake, the bubbles, the little charm bags, the ring boxes, everything. I HATE HER.

draco's in a really rotten depressy mood today, and i'm trying really hard not to let it rub off on me. i was trying really hard to cheer him/her up, but it was futile, so i gave up and let him/her go back to bed. we need more money, but i don't want to ask my mother, because i told her that the last bit would be the last we needed before the move. so i misjudged... i wasn't thinking about all the cleaning we'd have to do, and kitty litter, and a litter pan that would better fit in a car, and... moving sucks. but i'm still excited.

also, for all you pagans out there: happy midsummer. ours kind of sucks, but a happy one to you.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-19T14:55:00

2005-06-19T21:55:58Z

so, we're hoping to do the move sooner rather than later, as we're running out of money, and we need to get there before my mum leaves on her alaska cruise. (she said she was going to help us get new furniture and such when we got there.)

we still need to find homes for the kittens-- we're thinking of just giving them away now. though we might be able to sell our furniture. we're hoping. -sigh-

i am so thankful for my shadow stalker cd. thanks, blackwatyr.

we're working on throwing stuff away now. it's hard. -SIGH-

freeflyght @ 2005-06-18T19:39:00

2005-06-19T02:39:45Z

i just re-discovered my deadjournal. i <3 it muchly, but the problem is i don't know anyone on dj, so it's not as fun. maybe i should join some communities.

i <3 draco. just felt like mentioning this.

also, companions (as in firefly) should totally exist. there should be a guild. with training. and the idea of draco malfoy as one is TEH HOT.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-17T19:58:00

2005-06-18T02:57:56Z

I GOT INTO COLLEGE!

went out and saw batman begins to celebrate. was hoping to see the serenity trailer, but alas i mistook the time of the movie and we were slightly late. the movie was fantastic, though. i shared plainsong_x's criticism of the collateral damage thing... too much random-ass destruction for suspended disbelief. overall awesome, though, in my opinion. tons of my favourite actors, too... i <3 you, gary!!

but d00d. i got into COLLEGE. -happy dance-

freeflyght @ 2005-06-16T07:49:00

2005-06-16T14:52:01Z

i need some new icons. ooo, am sending money to stevenson today to get my transcripts sent. woohoo! college!

i'm feeling better. got a little bit of money from my mother, so we got some groceries yesterday. and some ice cream from coldstone. which was so necessary. gods, we needed to get out and do stuff. we're going stir crazy in this apartment. we're hoping to catch a movie today or tomorrow, and go get some more cd-rs from big lots (we need cds for the car trip, now that all of our cds are gone). and then we're going to stop spending, cause we need to conserve.

and i have a therapy appointment today. and when we go there, we're stopping at burger king and getting our free shakes.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-13T09:47:00

2005-06-13T16:53:36Z

so. that total BITCH carly got rid of all of our stuff except one box of papers (thank gods she didn't get rid of that-- my birth certificate's in there). she is making us send her 19 fucking dollars to ship it. she won't even let us come and get it.

so. more than 100 cds GONE. our cauldron GONE. our mica lamp, my winter coat GONE. a tower of about seventy-five blank cd-rs and the cases to go with them GONE. she probably kept half of it all. i can't bear to think of my cauldron in the hands of that... oh there just isn't an insult big enough!!!

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

hey 5feet11inches, do you have any of the stevenson concert cds you could burn for me? that was a lot of memories i just lost.

i will be so glad to get the hell out of here.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-12T09:19:00

2005-06-12T16:17:51Z

champaign is frickin cheap to live in. woohoo! the news-gazette has like 50 different apartments in our price range. now i have to call all of them... -sweatdrop-

dave has offered to come and get us and our animals and some of our stuff and bring us back up to illinois. WOOHOO, i'm coming home.

now i just need to get my frickin transcripts in to parkland.

-WAIL-

2005-06-11T15:47:40Z

i have to give up my kittens! i don't want to give up my kittens! my babies... my noxie...

I HATE MY LIFE. I AM SO SICK OF GIVING UP MY ANIMALS AND MY THINGS. WHY AM I CURSED WITH SUCH ROTTEN LUCK? WHY DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP SO MUCH? WHEN WILL IT ALL STOP?

freeflyght @ 2005-06-11T07:14:00

2005-06-11T14:14:52Z

i'm determined now to move back to illinois. around central illinois, it looks like now. as long as i'm only a couple of hours away from my family, i'll be happy. i can't move somewhere in california now, because then i'll have to stay there for six months, and i just can't take it anymore. my homesickness is making me go crazy. i'm coming home. i don't know how i'm going to convince my mother to put up the money for moving, but i have to do it, goddamnit.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-10T17:38:00

2005-06-11T00:35:19Z

am currently considering moving back home. how i would do that, i have no idea. depends what my mother thinks of the concept, i suppose.

freeflyght @ 2005-06-09T12:42:00

2005-06-09T19:47:00Z

my mother-in-law hates me and wants her child to divorce me, i have too many cats to find a new apartment, my dearest cat, my familiar, who we've had the longest, just bit zodi really hard on her face, we can't afford to pay for zodi's school, we're both depressed, and i'm starting to get really nervous that maybe i didn't get into my college. LIFE SUCKS. when am i going to stop being depressed all the time? when will our lives be at all good? how many years will we have to wait before we stop feeling near to suicidal?